Some time after I came back I was in a Polish mode. It’s some sort of depth and maturity. One avrech (married man) said that always after I come back from Poland he sees this spark of difference in my eyes.
During summer when I was in Warsaw I had more time to think… It passed through my mind that I need to be more on top of things. I was also lonely…
There are two of me. Max and Hillel. I have two personalities. The first is more emotionally exchanging with people and mature. The second is more loud, more of a player and a hacker. Max is more polish and so deep and real. Hillel is more western and self conscious, he may also seem fake because things are more means to another goals. Changing subject..
‘Who am i?’ I’m asking myself. ‘What do i want to do?’ is bombing my conscience and not only.
On one hand I would like to learn holy Torah.
I would like to change the world also.
In any case I want to grow, change, get smarter and gain perspective. Again changing subject.
I’m glad I was young enough when I was exposed to Americans to pick up self conscience from them. They are masters of it.
Bein hazemanim came. It strengthened my feelings. I feel the world is too big for just me… much too big… and i want to change it… (both sences)
Monday night I left Jerusalem for the airport. Except for few things (security guy was starting to get suspicious after I wasn’t sure how to answer him some questions and than I’ve forgot my suitcase when waiting by the Lufthansa office, later to find it, and that another member of airport personnel was shouting at me when I was the last person to enter the plane - when he got upset he asked me whether I come late to the synagogue, I preferred not to answer :)) everything went smooth and after 3 hours 40 minutes flight I arrived at Frideric Chopin airport. At ‘home’ I’ve arrived about 10 o’clock in the morning.
Except of one other person the flight was completely not religious made of both Polish and Israelis. Interesting that a lot of Polish fly to Israel and vice versa. I’ve overheard two Israelis talking and one was explaining to the other that he was buying some property near Warsaw.
Sometimes during my journeys I meet somebody whom I know. Last year I’ve meet next building neighbor of my previous flat. He works at the Jewish Theater and he came to the Holy Land for the Bar Mitzvah of his nephew. I’ve than realized that Jews sometimes may live in such a close proximity, even though there is so little of them in Poland.
I left the plane through the new terminal. The arrival terminal has a year or so but the departure terminal is really fresh. It looks good but but plain and not impressing, more of late 20th century style than 21th. They should have designed it better, airport makes the first impression of the country.
Psyhoanalisis of polish people comming.
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