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I went to the jewish summer camp, on which i am working, by car. Most of the way we went fast, but there were times that we were moving very slowly(because of traffic and other reasons). At first i thought ‘it’s so stupid to go so slowly, you don’t get anything by going so slowly’. Than i realized though as far as you are moving in the right direction, as far as you are on a right track :)), the speed is of lesser importance. Because even slowly you are getting somewhere, it will just take longer. and sometimes after a difficult, slow section, you have easy or fast section and you are moving faster at the end.
I thought it’s a big yesod (important fundamental principle). Sometimes you may move, in whatever it is, slowly, but as far as you are moving in right direction, it’s good. You need to be patient and you will reach results, and it may get faster after a time. Be positive and focus on the moving aspect rather than speed factor.
it’s difficult for me to cope with people here. for two reasons:
- they judge others all the time.
- they judge others on surface, not appreciating the inside.
and it’s difficult for me to have surface that will fit them.
i want to come back to yeshivah.
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i feel very strongly that i do not cope within local society. that’s the other side of the coin of developing in the yeshivah. it’s nearly two hours before shabbos. i was just accused, in broad daylight :<), that i’m trying to control people. i don’t. i do not want to control anybody and anybody who knows me will agree with it. this wouldn’t be that important to me, as currently i am above what people think about me. the rosh yeshivah implied it clearly that person shouldn’t care what others think about him. the rosh is such an amazing example to follow. if somebody is around him there is no end in development.
i recommend working on this not carrying, but after self esteem. actually once self esteem comes in the other one is dragged.
people in midrash shmuel are psychologically developed.
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first av… is my birthday.
today is my birthday…
sitting here in warsaw… no, not in the warsaw getto.
till year ago my birthday was deep (i would think a lot) and sort of sad. i was never satisfied with myself and it would externalise into feelings on this day.
when i came to midrash shmuel i learned to be more possitive and my birthday is not sad any more… it’s happy…
btw possitivity is for sure good and proper. once rosh yeshivah spoke after maariv, reading out of mesilas yeshorim. it said that person should check what he is doing because maybe his whole path is wrong. i thought it’s negative. you will concentrate on what you are doing wrong. when rosh was leaving after that i asked him on the way ‘isn’t it negative?’, he said ‘psyhology can not stand mesilas yeshorim’ and he went on with such talk… but he finished ‘when person finds that he is soing particular thing wrong, he should look at it as a opportunity to grow’ and also ‘person should be allways possitive’. i repeat i heard rosh saying to me straight ‘person should be allways possitive’. some people claim rosh is against possitivity. they are VERY WRONG.
if somebody is negative in certain way it stops him from growing.
my cell in poland is +48 507 407 451 .
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i’m going to make some changes in the website.
first - there will be 3 wesites:
- internal blog (this one) - just about me, my feelings, what happens to me and on…
- external blog - describing the reality around me.
- polish-jewish website. i will write in polish about jewish religion, some words of torah…
second - improvement of layout of the main blog, especialy the gallery.
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so… i am in warsaw…
no… i don’t live in the getto, although it’s like one bus stops away - like 300 meters. it’s like crazy… it’s like..
so as soon as you get to the plane which is going to poland, and the feeling is stronger when you arrive at poland itself, you relize that polish people are very weak.
what type of weakness do i mean? of course psygological. i would diagnose it :)) (i’m not a doctor… not even 5 %…) as very low self esteem. and as everybody knows self esteem is probably the most crucial of all traits. your whole life is different if your self esteem is high. person is happier, walks more straight, cares less what other people think about him and on…
i highly recomend investing in it.
my point in not that poland is good or bad. my point is that polish nation in unhealthy psyhologicaly and the cause for it is lack of self estem.
another interesting thing is that every time i come back to poland i notice that my behaviour is different than my ‘in israel’ behaviour.
i walk slower, laugh much less, also differeny maners.
poland is like less cool for sure… on the other hand it’s like deeper… people sound more inteligent… on the other it’s lacking spirituality, in any form or colour.
some say i’m deep (meyer said regarding this depth ‘in america we call it retarted.’ even american can sometimes say something polish… do you have any clue what i mean… no… sorry certain things can’t be said straight)
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